淡如止水

生活平淡無味，有如白開水一樣。但是白開水也一樣有它本身的味道，不必加任何調味料。

我喜歡簡單的事，一切不必太複雜。這樣我就不用太傷腦經。

It is the time for me to make decision, i have to decide the road i will walk on.
Did i have to care of myself or other. Should i be selfish................ or i should make myself suffer.

it really cause me crazy after met those who causing my life.....
It really make my life complicated, i had say so, i don't like complicate thing. I like everything in simply.

I know i can't just care of myself only, i have to think of other.......
I can't be selfish, i not alone in the world, i got family, i got friends,....

i'm so tired of it, even i'm think my life is perfect bow.
but what about in furture, i can't maintainning present right....

Before i can be alone, and i never feel lonely.
but now, i think previous i had get a lot. So now, i fell a bit empty.

Unusual me

Feel freak recently, I think it because of me always meet with some weird people. I can consident as the most normal person in a group of freaks.

Still, i alway didn't understand. Why all people needed love so much. And I wander did I really not needed people to love me so. These mean I'm a freak? Or I'm just abnormal?

Maybe I'm just afraid to fall in love, I may look so open minder. But I still can't accept the fact. The fact of I can love with someone. It so suffer, that I alway think of rationality. Rational make me afraith and lose my qualified to love.

Loving a person, mean a responsible. I don't think I can competence this responsibility. Me was an amphibian kind of person, inside of me got a deeper dark hole. Inside contend all of my dark side, my negetive thing.

Sometime, I'm so confruss. I like when I'm was alone, but I also will feel lonely in the same time.




Now is the time for me to make decision, I only can choose a road. The both two roads also will suffer me, and not way I will choose the third choice.

一個人寂寞

我在夜深人靜的時候，一個人聽著《夜盲症》。
我在人潮繁忙的車站，一個人聽著《陌生人》。
我在念著從前的我時，一個人聽著《無底洞》。




寂寞時，我拼命的呼吸。呼吸著我一個人的空氣。
我想。我可以將所有的寂寞氣氛吸掉。
這樣，寂寞可能會減少一些些。

冰冷的空氣吸入我的身體，穿越我的血液。
不管多冰冷，呼出來的一定很溫暖。


溫暖的心，到底還能溫暖多久？
我的心會不會有變成冰冷的一天？

Who I suppose count of.

Don't know I'm such a strong, why every ready, willing share their weakness to me. Their alway show out the weak part in font of me. I got the gift given by god, so they all easy get close to me.

I may easy to understand the feel of them, even i had can fell more then other person. But it influende my singel of emotion. They sad, my heart will get hurt. I really hate that fell. Why everyone though I was countable, why they wanna count on me. It make me saving lot of screat that only I knew. I'm so afairth that one day i will, break the promise and release all the screat.

If everyone got some promblem or some private think don't wanna let other know. But it let me knew, why I alway can knew what they wanna tell me.

I also wanna let someone I trust to know the deep fell inside of me, but I know they will not understand. And I not dare to share, I had tries few time before. In the conclusion, they will not continue listen and think I'm making laugh.

I really hope that someone can understand and believe in every word that I say. It maybe was the balancing of natural. If I got extra one , it will took away one of me.

It can't blamming other people, cause sometime I also can't believe what had i though and can't believe what I hads say.

I still remember when I was child, Every word that I spoke out. Sure everyone believe, but the people who believe were also child. Cause I had prove them to believe, only erther never listen and think I'm unusual.

But when the times passing, children growing up. They not believe anymore, and I become wordless. It took me a long time to inthrough this world. I start talking the "language" this world need.

Maybe I was born in the wrong time. I suppose some old centery person. I content some old soul.

So lazy to use chinese input for typing.

Recently not much posted post. I think i'm really lazy to type in chinese. I more like to use english to type my post, but lot of my friends say use chinese they will more understand what i wanna tell. i also agree with that, but i stil so lazy use chines input to type a word. So complicate. Used english more easy.

That day, we had met at friend wedding (it sound familiar, oh i copy from friend's blog). Seem it look like everybody were great and live usually. Because of so long not meet so i was speack less, wordless and the hall night i just quite. i feel a bit of tired at that night, these cause my friends misunderstanding that say i was unhappy that day. Haha, why i will unhappy lei?

But i got a bit reguest, that i miss the event that i wanna attend. Unfortunally it held in that day. So i have to miss it lo. Have to wait for another year liao. T_T

Actually, i so weire cause since now i stil won't take a look at him. ha~ so weire la. y? cause i fare i will get fool again. so have to stop myself.

fan nao

愛睡的星期

為了追戲，我竟然犧牲我寶貴的睡眠時間。自作自受，在公司吊魚。還好近期非繁忙時期，還好沒吊的很明鮮。

由於頑強的意知力，令我克服睡魔。一大把年紀了，我還學年青人醬瘋。

怪怪的我

我發現我真的很怪異。有人對我好，我反而覺得很不自在。我真的異於常人，我會覺得內疚，當別人對我好，當別人疼惜我。就拿我媽來說，現在她格外的疼我。我當然覺得高興，可是我也覺的內疚。我覺得，這樣對我的姐姐和弟弟很不公平。

哀！有人對我好，我就想加倍的回報。彷彿不想虧欠別人。也許是我的自卑心作祟，常常覺得自己不配給人疼愛。我是不是賤骨頭。真的很莫明奇妙。或許我太計較了吧？

以前的我常常想獨立，不太想靠別人。現在的我，不懂就會問。不再自我了，但有些原則我還是不能改。那可是我對自己的規制，是防止我自己的本性變質。我真的很害怕自己會變成我不想變成的人。所以我拼命的遵從我對自己訂下的規律。

鏡子
我看見的那，
那真的是我嗎？
望著那空幻的眼神，
那真的是我嗎？
我開始迷失了，
那真的是我嗎？
我漠視那鏡子裡的我，
那真的是我嗎？


相信
你覺得是對的，我認同。
你說那是真的，我同意。
那是我們之間的默契。
那是我們之間的信任。
那是我們一直相信的。

距離

我發覺与你保持一段距離，我比較會平穩些。

我害怕与你近距離接觸，我會忍不住會打你。


聽人說：
最遠的距離不是生与死。
而是我在你身邊而你不知道我愛你。

可笑，我覺得最遠的距離是“恨“。
暗戀，還有接近的機會。
反而恨，是切斷所有可以的關聯。

很多人說恨是愛的反面。
有恨就有愛。

我在想，沒有了愛是不是恨呢？
若不是恨那是什麼呢？

Music in my heart

U never know, what u done of me. what ur affact of me. u never know the wrong thing that u have giving me.

U open my eyes, to let me see the wrose thing i haven't saw before. U are the heart less cold blood creture. I suppost carry on, to forget u. I won't hate u, u even didn't diserve of it.

But why, like ur kind of person. stil got people who love u. I have though before, though of did i have make a wrong judge. But when the person who by ur side one follow one leaving u. I can comform my though was correct.

Sorry to say like that, but really. U have to learn how to be a human but not a creture who alway cheating of other person. always try to get bennefits from other people. Cause it very suck.

These maybe the reson, i can't forgive myself that been be a fool. I stil remember when i know u new i was believe in wat u have say. i treat u as a friend at that time, but u just wanna prove ur attraction then be kniceness to me.

U let me felt like u had using my feeling hust for proving i also will follow in u. I very hate myself, i very regust that feel pity on u. But also have to thanks u for letting me to recognize ur true face and let me see through real side of the fat face.

really i think u two can be a good team, cause u two were the same kind people. so thats why ur two were gather together. joining the same group, and i'm sure the group of ur friend defernally will like u two.

i have to thank god, for me to leaving any linking of them. wat a nightmare.

真的好後悔啊

我發先我以前是瞎了眼吧。競然把肥豬當作珍珠。真的好後悔我當時的一時沖動。

not a big duel

ha,

Cry for the moon

cry cry, i'm all alone in the darkness night.

moon hanging on the sky....

she were smile at me, that wish me will stop crying.

愛?情?

我還是很自我.
我害怕傷害別人．

我怕愛上你．
我怕辜負你．
我猶豫太多．

我真的心口不一．
我們這樣真的好嗎？
我不停問自己．
"很想哭 哭完 無助 我無法和我一個人相處 你不願搬回從前居住 就算哭 也一樣沒幫助 我被困在一個人的峽谷 多想要卻要不到你安撫 眼前是什麼路 已看不清楚"

哭真的能解一切的話．
叫我哭幹眼淚也無所謂．

但，哭能解決問題嗎？
不能，所以我不哭．．．

again

once again, i'm fall...(angel)
So star still shining...
and the angel still searching for it...

Even angel where the star are.
But the angel can't ever reach there...

Cause there got a wall that separate them...
and the will never, impossible to distrove...

night blind

Dark dark colour, apeach when the sunshine saying good-bye.

Suddenlly i'm lost, i'm lose the way to you.

Just darkness surrounding me...

Feth so hopeless, without light, with sound, just darkness and loneliness.

Wanna calling, calling you for help...

waiting for your foot step...

Only it can save my soul...

tear droup down, but i can't see it...

Cold cold wind blowing...

as the knife, pieces a pieces hurting me...

did anyone can hear my shriek...

anyone..........

i care what u say....

i'm out of confidence... is true i'm really got no confidence...

to myself or everything......

why i so unconfident...

and why i'm so care about what u say...

even she remind me... i not feth angry...

but you, you just make me sad...

or i'm just make myselt unhappy...


i know my english is kue broke...

so i'm practice... so i'm writing by english...


i don't care what u all laugh....

And are u giving me comman

or just want to laugh at me..

if u are give comman i will thank a lot...

if u just wanna laugh at me, then mind of ur busisness...

沒自信...

對,我對我沒自信...

我自卑.. 對啊...

我不像你那麼自大,自信....


我英文爛, 所以我惡補....

所以我多謝英文字...

別人出言教導,我很開心...

但,你們真的是指導嗎?

還是,出言羞辱?

又或是,諷刺?

如果,是指導. 我會很感激.

是羞辱, 就不幹你的事.

是諷刺,你沒資格...


我不需要你的假關心...

因為你不曾...


我不會和你繼續演戲下去...

你也不要繼續對我偽裝...

妖怪世界

最近, 身邊出現了很多妖怪...
我發現我很常遇見怪怪的人, 好可怕啊.....
是不是我也很怪, 不然我為什麼會常常遇見他們那些怪胎....
神啊, why is me why is me.....
現在呢??????
我很矛盾....
不知, 該開心還是傷心????
我開始對某些人很反感......
(尤其是那兩個同居密友)
我不知道是我對他們有偏見, 還是我看清他們了......
因為, 不是換他們的虛情假意......
和互相利用....
我不喜歡給人利用的...
假如, 要利用我呢... 最好不要給我發現...
不過, 我漿笨.... 因該很容易被騙吧???
看清他們後, 有一點覺得自己是不是要換眼鏡嗎???
不然, 以後一定遇人不淑...
(以上的對白全屬虛構, 如有雷同是屬巧合)

只對對我好的人好...

我是一個很半典型的天秤座...
我只對對我好的人好, 所謂的對我好...
當然不是物質上的好, 而是心靈上的感覺...
像我好友兩公婆, 天秤兩姊妹, 離了兩次婚的老公, 不是情人的情婦和才認識不久的媽姐愛咪.
她們在我心里佔據了很大的地位, 僅僅其次于家人...
真的要感謝上帝..... thank you thank you..... love you god...
讓我遇見她們..... 這一班豬朋狗友........
謝謝她們, 雖然時常對我囉唆, 玩笑, 責罵....
但, 她們讓我感覺她們是為我好的...
沒有你們, 我生活沒有意義.....
你們是不怕付出的人... 愛死你們.. 啊.. 不不不....
因該是愛活你們...

Downoing great music

last week at company i had downloaded some great music...
i just can't takew my time to listen it.

But, until today...
such a great music all is intromental(hopefully spelling correct)
i'm like the pure piano sound... so soft.... full of feeling.
today had a long chat with my mother, through her way speck, her sound acting like she dun worry about the operation...
Yes, i know she will not fear to die.... or any worse happen to her.

But she just can't stop worries about us(me and my familly members)
she worry that us can't take care of ourselve.
even we all grow up... mum i just wanna say dun worry about us..
in the same way we also worry about u.... and we will not letting u worries any more...
these not an big operation dun worry ur ill will recover...
sorry that alway letting u worry...
but i'm still not understand what dad thinking...
he want a father's day gift, i have not bought. but this month...
i got some problem that i got not enough money to bought a gilf althrough for me the spend this month...

i promise i will give once got the money... just few more day.
though this few month, happend lot of thing...
Its make me feth i have learning lot of think...
even i feth it complicate before, but now i feel not that complicated...
because i has realize something. all problem got solution...
Just dun know the solution caming when..... and took how long...

絕

我在你我自間建了一道牆.
不讓你接近, 不讓你探透.

我在我的心上上了一把鎖.
不讓你撥動, 不讓它心動.

我在我的身上穿上了刺衣.
不讓你觸碰, 保護起自己.

我將我們之間的距離,
比喻成天與地,相隔千萬里.

天一直往上飄, 逃離地.
但, 不管它逃多遠.地,
還是永遠在它心中.
(哈哈, 很感性吧. 我看我遲早會成為名作家!!!)

沉迷

我循著我愛的方向走
轉彎嗎　我迷惑
沒有誰的錯 　不等誰開口

月光指引我應該回頭
我的腳步太重
她的歌聲讓我動容 使我犯錯
眼神閃爍

你美的讓我失去了自我
我離不開你設的牢籠
是天空也笑我　
為愛　沉迷沒有用

夜美的悽涼受盡了折磨　
日出不再來世界變沙漠

承認　我沒用　
情願　住在漆黑的角落(守在你冰涼的背後)

轉個彎我不回來　
眼睛睜不開　

明天　一樣精采　勇敢愛

結果．．．

結果一直在我的預料之中．．．
沒想到真的與我預料一樣．．．

難道，之前我只是自己欺騙自己．

或許吧．是我自己自願裝傻，扮瞎．

這樣的結果很好啊．．．
起碼，我不必沉醉在自己幻想的夢境裡面．

現在的心情真像＂鐵窗＂那首歌．．．

＂我是一陣風，我不能留在原地＂
＂我是一陣風，我只能展翅高飛＂
＂你留不住我，你抓不住我＂
＂我渴望自由，但我不自由＂

放下心中大石

終於完了，斷了，明了，緣盡了．．．

放下心中的大石，是會痛．
但，只是短痛勝過長痛．

可能，大石在心中生了根．
拿掉大石，根也連心的一部分被強行剁走．

痛只是短暫，被奪取的部分也會痊癒．
好過大石長時間壓在心中．
那更為之痛苦．．．

現在，鬆了一口氣．．．
心不在沉重．．．
人也輕鬆．．．

眼淚

通常,我哭是因為我家人或一些大事情.

因為我的眼淚很珍貴.
因為我不想變懦弱.

但,人有時會很脆弱.
有時真想哭,
但淚眼線擠不出眼水.

不知道,大哭一場是什麼感覺呢?

很少人會看到我哭,
只有幾個非常幸運的朋友看過.

只有我覺得可信任的人,
我才在他們的面前哭.

現在,我要用笑來代替哭.

what is love???

People asking me wat is love....
I can't answer the question...

cause i'm dun know???
i'm really dun know???

Love is unlike my expectation...
unlike wat i'm throught.

Thank i have been love before...

actually i'm not hating u, but sometime u make me dislike u...
because of ur attitude....

i have never hating u...
cause feel thanks...

thank of u, because i have been love...
now i just trick u as a friend{normal friend)

actually i have lia to u...
it was the reson i breaking with u...

actually, "she" not the reson i break with u...
actually i wanna break with u is because...
u not trusting me...
i feel so pressure when i'm with u...

i'm wind, u can't track me, hold me...
i not belong to everyone, i belong to myself..

Yes, love is beautiful. but if it not comforable.
i better not loving...

notice or change

u say time change people, make people become strange...
it is the people who change or u just notice who the person should be...

by the way, did u change or just i'm now notice your real personal identities.

hi

hi i'm anthony chew now start the blog